cocking_about: (iwouldliketolickhislip)
Written for the 2014 [livejournal.com profile] topgearslash Advent Challenge.

Prompt #3: Birthday (Richard celebrates his 45th birthday on December 19th)


Richard folded his arms on the table and dropped his head onto them. "Forty-five," he groaned. "Forty-five."

"We heard you the first time. Your point?" Jeremy asked, acidly.

"I'm officially closer to fifty than to forty!"

"Nothing wrong with that." James looked over the tops of his reading glasses. "Are you about to have another mid-life crisis? I could use a laugh."

"I'm past a mid-life crisis! I'm almost a half century old. It's all bloody well downhill from here," Richard said despairingly.

"Fucking pikey," snorted Jeremy.

"For your information, Hammond," said James, "there is life after fifty. Jeremy and I haven't changed."

Richard sat up and glared at them each in turn. "Jez is a grouchy, petulant, grey-haired, cantankerous, fat old sod, and you are a fussy, crotchety, antiquated, grey-haired, slightly-less-fat old bastard."

"Precisely!" Jeremy said, as James nodded in agreement. "We haven't changed one iota."

Richard opened his mouth, then closed it again. He cocked his head. "Actually, I can't argue with that. And if you two ridiculously old men can age without growing up, I certainly can. Fact." He began to whistle 'Happy Birthday' to himself quite cheerfully.
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: The Place You Are (formerly In Their Quilted Coats) chp. 5
Author: Pippin
Pairing: None yet, but yes, it will be Richard/Pip eventually.
Warning: Umm, AU, obvs. Richard's wife and family don't exist, because I refuse to break up a home. :D He did, however, have his accident in this universe. Also, I should probably warn for Jeremy Clarkson in general.

A/N: There has been a title change to better reflect the story. And yes, it's from a Peter Gabriel song as well. :D

A massive thank you to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7 and [livejournal.com profile] _breathtaken for the betas, encouragement, and general enabling.


Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4

Is that your poker face, or are you serious? )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: In Their Quilted Coats ch. 4
Author: Pip
Pairing: None yet, but yes, it will be Richard/Pip eventually.
Warning: Umm, AU, obvs. Richard's wife and family don't exist, because I refuse to break up a home. :D He did, however, have his accident in this universe. Also, contains a suggestion of who the Stig might be.

A massive thank you to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7 for the beta, encouragement, and excellent enabling. This fandom wouldn't be nearly as much fun without you, hon. ♥ ♥ ♥

Chapter 1, 2, 3

First posted Dec, 2008

An absolute cock-up from start to finish. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: In Their Quilted Coats ch. 3
Author: Pip
Pairing: None yet, but yes, it will be Richard/Pip eventually.
Warning: Umm, AU, obvs. Richard's wife and family don't exist, because I refuse to break up a home. :D He did, however, have his accident in this universe. Also, I should probably warn for Jeremy Clarkson in general.

A massive thank you to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7 and [livejournal.com profile] giddy_london for the betas, encouragement, and general enabling. This fandom wouldn't be half as much fun without you two. ♥ ♥ ♥

Chapter 1, 2

First posted Sept, 2008

All right, then, who's going to start the Spanish Inquisition? )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: In Their Quilted Coats ch. 2
Author: Pip
Pairing: None yet, but yes, it will be Richard/Pip eventually.
Warning: Umm, AU, obvs. Richard's wife and family don't exist, because I refuse to break up a home. :D He did, however, have his accident in this universe. Also, I should probably warn for Jeremy Clarkson in general.

A massive thank you to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7 and [livejournal.com profile] giddy_london for the betas, encouragement, and general enabling. This fandom wouldn't be half as much fun without you two. ♥ ♥ ♥

Chapter 1

First posted Aug, 2008

I wouldn't put it past you three to want to turn a Lamborghini into a submersible. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: In Their Quilted Coats ch. 1
Author: Pip
Pairing: None yet, but yes, it will be Richard/Pip eventually. And I have no idea if Pip is actually me or not. I don't think I could write me truthfully if you paid me a million dollars.
Warning: Umm, AU, obvs. Richard's wife and family don't exist, because I refuse to break up a home. He did, however, have his accident in this universe. Also, I should probably warn for Jeremy Clarkson in general.
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearls.

Heartfelt thanks to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7 for the beta, and for playing in my universe with me every time I beg. Much love, bb.

First posted Aug, 2008

James, don't touch Jeremy with the cheese. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Squirrel Tossing and Other Pastimes
Word Count: 3300
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Richard/James
Disclaimer: This is fiction. Ergo, all events described herein are fictitious.
Summary: Inspired by Series 11, episode 2. Set after the live taping, referencing the News Of The Week. Written for [livejournal.com profile] chocolatepeach’s Slash Edition Challenge.

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7 and [livejournal.com profile] elmathelas for the brilliant beta jobs!

First posted Nov, 2008

That one's absolutely going to win the Golden Cock this season. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance 2/2
Author: Pip
Pairing: Richard/James
Rating: A bare PG-13 for language.
Warning: See warnings on the first part.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*) Title and chapter headings stolen directly from the book of the same name, written by Louis Borgenicht and Joe Borgenicht.
Summary: Richard and James adapt, but do they adopt?
Feedback: All feedback and concrit most gratefully received.

Written for my darling [livejournal.com profile] giddy_london, who asked for James and Richard as newbie!daddies. :D

Thanks again to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7 for the beta, and [livejournal.com profile] sunsetmog for the Britpick.

Chapter 1

First posted Sept, 2008

Does May colour-code his sockets? )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance 1/2
Author: Pip
Pairing: Richard/James
Rating: A bare PG-13 for language.
Word Count: Both parts, 11,000
Warning: I'd better warn you that this is my first TG fic, and it is, sadly, porn-free. Also, baby!fic, if that's not your thing. :D
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*) Title and chapter headings stolen directly from the book of the same name, written by Louis Borgenicht and Joe Borgenicht.
Summary: Richard and James adapt, but do they adopt?
Feedback: All feedback and concrit most gratefully received.

Written for my darling [livejournal.com profile] giddy_london, who asked for James and Richard as newbie!daddies. Here it is, bb, I hope this does the trick. :D

Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] tigertale7, who has enabled cheered me on through the whole thing. This fic wouldn't be the same without her valuable beta skills, and a fantastic (and fast!) Britpick by [livejournal.com profile] sunsetmog. Thanks, ducklings.

First posted Sept, 2008

Is that what I think it is? )
cocking_about: (Default)
A Series of Unrelated Ficlets
Author: Pip
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: Varied PG-13 through NC-17
Warning: Some contain naughty words, some contain boysecks, some contain schmoop, one contains dom!Billy and sub!Dom.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearls.

A/N: I was bored Friday night and requested people's favourite words, and I wrote bitty little fics. Here is a collection of all ten written so far, lj-cut by the word requested and underneath the cut is who it was written for. The fics are all completely unrelated. This was hard, but fun.

First posted Nov, 2004

Luminescent )


Vex )


Percolate )


Ennui )


Quixotic )


Fury )


Erstwhile )


Debauchery )


Ecstatic )


Obsequious - Warning: NC-17 )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Teeth
Author: Pip
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: Oh so G
Warning: Completely pointless.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Dom notices something about Billy.
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearly whites.

First posted Oct, 2004

Picture ahead. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Top Of The World 4/4
Author: Pip
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: NC-17 for ocean porn :)
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Billy and Dom get into deep waters.
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearls.

More smut. More schmoop. Because smutty schmoop makes me very happy.

Many thanks to my very own beta, [livejournal.com profile] elmathelas whom I shall love and treasure and force beg to check my fic forever. And heaps of blessings to [livejournal.com profile] reveritas for helping me with tricky things like divisions and summaries. 'Cos I'm not good at that and she is.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three

First posted Mar, 2004

Every muscle in my body is trembling. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Top Of The World 3/4
Author: Pip
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: NC-17 for beach porn :)
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Billy tastes like the sea, and Dom discovers a new kink.
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearls.

This is the smut part of the smutty schmoop. Some schmoop involved too. But really, mostly smut.

Many thanks to my very own beta, [livejournal.com profile] elmathelas whom I shall love and treasure and force beg to check my fic forever. And heaps of blessings to [livejournal.com profile] reveritas for helping me with tricky things like divisions and summaries. 'Cos I'm not good at that and she is.

Chapter One, Chapter Two

First posted Mar, 2004

I am a shy and delicate little flower, you know. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Top Of The World 2/4
Author: Pip
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13 for a bit of language
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Dom and Billy get back to nature. Billy knows his Dom.
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearls.

This is fluff. Unabashed schmoop. Pretty schmoop that is a prologue to smut. Because I promised someone smutty schmoop. :)

Many thanks to my very own beta, [livejournal.com profile] elmathelas whom I shall love and treasure and force beg to check my fic forever. And heaps of blessings to [livejournal.com profile] reveritas for helping me with tricky things like divisions and summaries. 'Cos I'm not good at that and she is.

Chapter One

First posted Mar, 2004

I know my Dom. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Top Of The World 1/4
Author: Pip
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13 for a bit of language
Warning: Briefly mentions auto racing. Deal with it. No sheep were harmed in the filming of this fic.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Dom objects to being knocked over and trod upon.
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearls.

A multitude of thanks to [livejournal.com profile] elmathelas for the beta.

First posted Mar, 2004

It's not so much a phobia as a deep-seated fear of death. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Anyone Have a Scottish-English Dictionary? 6/6
Author: Pip
Pairing: BB/DM (no longer your call)
Rating: R just to play it perfectly safe
Warning: !Superdialect! Dialect thicker than 3-day old porridge. If you don't like dialect, GO AWAY. Please do not complain to me that I'm writing Billy with a thick accent--that is the point, and I will laugh at you. This is supposed to be fun.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Elijah fixes Billy. Dom & Elijah talk. Dom keeps Billy awake.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five

And so we've reached the end, my friends. Thank you for your encouragement, comments, and lots of laughs.

Thanks much to [livejournal.com profile] epicanthus for the beta.

First posted Feb, 2004

Geeks, the pair of them. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Anyone Have a Scottish-English Dictionary? 5/6
Author: Pip
Pairing: implied BB/DM (still barely your call)
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Warning: !Superdialect! Dialect thicker than 3-day old porridge. If you don't like dialect, GO AWAY. Please do not complain to me that I'm writing Billy with a thick accent--that is the point, and I will laugh at you. This is supposed to be fun.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Billy loses it. Porno Merry & Pippin. Elijah pretends to be innocent.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four

Huge thanks to [livejournal.com profile] epicanthus for the beta.

First posted Feb, 2004

You're completely mad. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Anyone Have a Scottish-English Dictionary? 4/6
Author: Pip
Pairing: implied BB/DM (if you choose to read it that way--or not, for now it's still your call)
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Warning: !Superdialect! Dialect thicker than 3-day old porridge. If you don't like dialect, GO AWAY. Please do not complain to me that I'm writing Billy with a thick accent--that is the point, and I will laugh at you. This is supposed to be fun.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Billy and Dom talk. Dom gets angsty. Poor Elijah feels abused.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three

First posted Feb, 2004

Elijah had been threatened with Grievous Bodily Harm if he didn't get a new answering machine. )
cocking_about: (iwouldliketolickhislip)
Title: Anyone Have a Scottish-English Dictionary? 3/6
Author: Pip
Pairing: implied BB/DM (if you choose to read it that way--or not, your call)
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Warning: !Superdialect! Dialect thicker than 3-day old porridge. If you don't like dialect, GO AWAY. Please do not complain to me that I'm writing Billy with a thick accent--that is the point, and I will laugh at you. This is supposed to be fun.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Billy suffers. Dom snores. Elijah wanders around.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please.

Chapter One, Chapter Two

First posted Jan, 2004

The worst hangover he'd ever had in his fucking life. )
cocking_about: (Default)
Title: Anyone Have a Scottish-English Dictionary? 2/6
Author: Pip
Pairing: implied BB/DM (if you choose to read it that way--or not, your call)
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Warning: !Superdialect! Dialect thicker than 3-day old porridge. If you don't like dialect, GO AWAY. Please do not complain to me that I'm writing Billy with a thick accent--that is the point, and I will laugh at you. This is supposed to be fun.
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies. (*sigh*)
Summary: Billy, liquor, and a ruler--but not like that. Oh, and Dom shows up.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please.

Chapter One

First posted Jan, 2004

Billy walked back to the sofa, completely unaware he was listing hard to starboard. )

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